(just) another unlucky day

I know I had a lot tasks to do, but my mind constantly denying to concentrate in my task. I had a kind of bad day today, yeah I am not usually judging something, but I really feel so bad today. I lose a big chance today. something I've been waiting and dreaming since I was kid. Go to Japan. I know even I succeed applying my requirements on those program, I may still not succeed in next interview stage, but I feel worse when I failed something because I have lack of preparation, and it has already happened not only once in my life, it might show me that I am not kind of people that could organize well, but I am truly a people who's not afraid to try even in the most limited or almost impossible timing. 

I saw the publication of JST program from ITS IO website less than a week ago, but a week ago also kind of rough week to me, to be honest also depressing. I had a lot college tasks to do, because I had neglected them for another activity in a week before -preparing for Balistik- :).  So I fed up with my Master plan Final Project, proposal, dashboard and kind of other things, and I forgot about preparing the requirements for applying JST program, and I also think that I have already had every document needed. I reread carefully the requirements yesterday, and I shocked, how can I skip the recommendation letter and transcript in English part? So I quickly asked my lecturer help, Mrs. Mahendrawati to write my 1st recommendation letter, and she accept and could give me the letter the next day (which is today, and also the last day of submission). So I prepare everything in a hurry. I hate being in a hurry, even when doing a college task, I prefer doing it as fast as I can, so I won't be in a hurry, why could I be so careless for another thing that  maybe could give me more than just a college task like this? this is my first mistake. It is not my first time losing a kind of free-paid exchange, I was also late-knowing and being in a hurry that time.

Okay, Let's start with today's activity, so today I went to UPMS giving my proposal for B.Indonesia Course and present it to Mr. Marsudi, it takes a long time for each group, so that was out of the schedule. It's okay, I was so sure that I could submit the requirements before 04.00 pm. So I took my recommendation letter from Mrs. Mahendrawati in Plaza Dr. Angka and stopped a while to read it, I smiled, I felt and wondered  and afraid in the same time, do I as good as she write? or maybe I am just being happy in my head, the recommendation letter could be so general for her, but I felt so overwhelming reading how she appreciate me all these time. But vice versa, I also feel, I may not as good as she write, yet. I still have many flaws as a students or her assistant, I still need much of improvement.

So, then I go to Manarul because it was already Dhuhur. I ensure that my documents have been all prepared. I filled in the form racily. I go back to campus, because it was already 00.30 pm and I have a course schedule. By the time I get to the Laboratory (LPSI), I sat and wait for the assistant, but it turns out to nothing, the class is cancelled. And then I scan all the document in LPSI and transfer it to my flashdisk. I remembered I haven't signature the attendance of Bahasa Indonesia course, so I went to the adiministration office, as I presented in UPMS before. When  I went there, I met Levi that also preparing the requirement, he asked about how to get an english transcript from our department, so I stared to him and listen carefully, how stupid I am, I thought it's enough to attach the translated transcript without any confirmation from the bureaucracy. okay, I tried to be calm. I still have time for preparing the requirement, I asked Ms. Fian how can I get the translated transcript in English, she suggest us translating it by our self but with the letter number from the administration and signature of our Head of Department. Because it was not enough time to propose the English transcript to the vice rector. So I prepared it quickly and almost hopeless in the same time, I was really afraid if I couldn't submit before the due date. I felt so guilty to Mrs. Mahendrawati who has already written my 1st recommendation letter, and I really don't want to make her letter in vain. I kept telling myself that I could make it, I ran between the administration office and LPSI most of the day. Finally I got my legitimate English transcript with the sign of head of Information Systems in it at 03.30 pm. I go back to the LPSI and scan the transcript. Finally, all done ! by the 03.35 I reached the closest computer with an internet connection in LPSI and willing to send the email to Int Office. But well, maybe one bad thing is never enough. HOW COULD THE 3 out of 6 SCANNED DOCUMENT FILE IS BROKEN? I still want to try my best, I ran again toward my bag downstairs and take all the document needed and re-scanned it. I saw the time in the computer it shows me 03.45 I kept wishing that the scanning process could be fast. All the document has re-scanned at 03.54 pm in the  computer taskbar, I borrowed Rima's laptop to send the email, and my heart almost stopped beating see the time showed in her laptop, "Is it already 04.01 pm Rim? I asked to ensure that she didn't set her clock in advance. " She said yes, I almost crying by the time. I desperately tried to send the email though it's already 4 minutes late, and the email automatically rejected caused by the quota exceeded said the email. I exhale hardly. I felt so sad and angry to myself in the same time. I go home with my blurry vision, feel guilty and pathetic.

What is the point of my long-dramatic posting -if you thought so- I just can't forgive myself for being so unprepared for many things. I keep asking myself what keeps me busy all this time? Have I already miss-organized my activity or others, so I have to lose these kind of chance? I am so sad, feel so pathetic of myself. I wonder Am I doing the right all of this time? until I had no time for my own self, preparing something bigger.... or I just a messy, lazy girl that desperately try to be an active people, ignore skipping class and task but have no time to prepare this kind of requirements that I have eligible, not by the due date time?

Forgive me, Mrs Mahendrawati for not using your great recommendation letter for this program, I will find another chance, that could be as good as this one, and I will prepare it in advance, won't do these things anymore and I won't let your help be useless. And trust me, I will try my best to be as good as your appreciation in the recommendation letter, thanks for all those positive perception of myself. :')

P.S : I checked my flashdisk again before I post this, to look the scanned document, and it's all broken again, is it possible that my flashdisk is the main problem? why could these happen?

well, maybe it's just another unlucky day for me, the next day and future must be brighter than today.

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Self Reminder

For other people 12^th April might be another day passed in their life, but for me it shows me that I am quantitatively getting older and adding one digit in my age. I realized that getting older is a must that everyone couldn’t avoid, but somehow, for me this kind of not-teen-ager anymore is a kind of new things to aware. Not to be dramatic, but I feel like….. I am twenty, my age is not something-teen anymore and it shows me that I am closer to some uncertainty of life after I graduated from my Bachelor degree about a year ahead. I don’t know which one is feeling more sad, is that me the one who looks my parents getting older and start to find difficulties on reading, listening even standing from the sitting position or my parents that see me getting more mature (I wish) but have very little time to spend with them, I rarely going home due to the much tasks to do or an organization activity, and most of the time I spend when I am going home is sleep….. I know I am so mean, but I really feel tired.

No matter how many times I have to spend in a traffic around Surabaya to Candi, Sidoarjo, if I have time, I won’t put off these kind of rare chances. Do you know what is it all for? To charge my spirit. For me, my parents are the most important person in my life. Recently I really feel sad if I can’t take a time to see them, to make sure that they are alright, not only wondering are they alright almost every time before I am going to sleep.

Until this 9^th week of my 6^th semester, I could proudly say that I haven’t been absent in all lecture I take, there’s one of my friends that it’s something great doing. But for me, it’s the only thing I could do to make myself sure that I have done my best to create a better future for my family, not to be drama-queen, but I am fully realized that I am not born in a royal family but nor in a difficulty in economy either. Our family is a kind of maybe the most family in our country, we could eat well every day, pay the tax and monthly bill. But for other things we have to arrange it well. I almost forget when did the last time we have a family trip together for holiday….. yes, I am sure I am not the only family that living in this kind of life, but the only thing I want to make sure that our life will change much better, for my mom and dad that would never stop pray for me and always try to determine that my need has been filled up, till sometimes I feel that it’s a bit over seeing them giving me too much attention that I couldn’t reply yet.

My mom and dad are not a professor nor an employee in a reputable companies, but they always show me that study is a need, no matter they are already half-century years old, they keep on studying. My dad is recently busy with his dissertation, he said that if he want be a professor someday, so we could live better too. No matter how he is so not accustomed with the things called computer, Microsoft word, and internet, he keeps on writing, keeps on studying, this makes me sad that I couldn’t spend more time to help him correcting his typewriting because I also have too much tasks to do, I really feel very sinful when I was so much tired but my dad keep in asking my help and I am a bit grumbling and sometimes being so rude, how could I be this kind of the only child he has? L

My mom, she might be only a usual housewife, but I see her as a wise woman, very tough and so reliable. She’s not a scholar, even a master. But in her mind, she has a big spirit of studying, I adore her bright eyes when she’s telling me about her activity in her recently activities, taking a free lecture of Arab and Islam things in D2 Muhammadiyah University. She always tell me that she’s very sorry to study in this age, whether there’s no late on studying, but she finds many difficulties in retrieving a lecture. She’s not the only Mother in those program, but I believe that my mother is the one who have the most spirit to study beyond her friends in same age. I see her reading a lot of things and ask me to be her dialogue partner to keep in mind of Arabic language. I know she’s not the best student, but I really see the aim of study in her eyes. She say she will study to give her husband and child the same knowledge that she got in that free program.

These two people keep on telling me that there’s no excuse for not studying, and this is why I always force myself, no matter how much I feel tired, to keep on finishing my task as good as I can and not skip the class as long as I am in a good condition. This all of business that a lot of people say that I take too much responsibilities are no other to ensure that I have tried my best to prepare their comfortable life, much better place to life, facilities and all of the things that we couldn’t have yet. I love them, and I realize that as I have my twenty birthday, they’re also getting older, and none of us know how much our remaining time to make our parents proud, to make them know that we are trying our best, in our own way, that we wouldn’t make them sad by giving them bad transcript of the education that they already provide to us with all of effort and hold they’re ego just for us.

In this period of time, I just write to keep warning myself that there’s no excuse for me to be failed. Just like my father always trigger me to not be satisfied of what we’ve achieved, there are a lot of people doing better than us, why do we have to be so arrogant by being our self? 

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Productive Sunday Morning

It's a sunday morning, even it is too early for me to start an activity. Due to the most of course schedule in 6th semester I take is started on 12.45 pm. It's a bit hard for me to be productive in early morning. Lol. But next week I will be an assistant for one of the 4th semester course that is scheduled in 7.00 am so I have to be accustomed and start my day as it should be, as early as possible. So I started today in PJTL, one of the journalistic training presented by BEM FTIf, I force myself to be productive in creating a 'kultweet' eventhough honestly I have prepared most of the tweet last night, so this is what I produced this morning, I wish this wouldn't be a bad opinion.

nb : Retweet di akun @rariesty dong, biar dapet hard-disk haha. selain emang butuh harddisk, emang kepengen nulis ini juga sih, semoga bermanfaat xD

#1     Wah, gak kerasa sudah tanggal 6 April, tiga hari lagi akan diadakan sebuah pesta akbar bagi masyarakat Indonesia. @BEM_ITS #GIM

#2     Pada inget nggak tanggal 9 April tahun ini ada momen apa? Atau sengaja memilih lupa dan disibukkan dengan UTS? @BEM_ITS #GIM

#3     Miris jika iya,mengingat sebagian besar para mahasiswa berkesempatan menyuarakan hak pilih dalam pemilu calon legislatif. @BEM_ITS #GIM

#4     Bukan hanya karena momen ini adalah momen pertama, namun juga karena pentingnya porsi suara kita @BEM_ITS #GIM

#5     Mengapa penting? kuantitas mahasiswa yang memiliki hak pilih cukup besar untuk memberikan pengaruh dalam hasil akhir @BEM_ITS #GIM

#6     Selain itu, para mahasiswa memiliki wawasan lebih dibandingkan dengan masyarakat umum @BEM_ITS #GIM

#7     Sangat disayangkan kalau kita memilih lupa dan mengabaikan pentingnya suara kita dalam pesta demokrasi ini. @BEM_ITS #GIM

#8     Mahasiswa tentu memiliki pemikiran kritis, ditunjang dengan akses info yg mudah serta diskusi yang sering diadakan @BEM_ITS #GIM

#9     Dengan begitu banyak wawasan, mahasiswa harusnya memandang pemilu sebagai momen krusial dan wajib berpartisipasi @BEM_ITS #GIM

#10 “Aku nggak tertarik sama politik,pesimis liat caleg-caleg, aku cuma pengen kuliahku cepet beres, cari kerja, hidup enak” @BEM_ITS #GIM

#11 Waduh, justru itu, kalau kamu punya keinginan seperti itu, kamu harus sangat peduli dengan politik. @BEM_ITS #GIM

#12 Bagaimana bisa mendapatkan pendidikan, lapangan kerja yang memadai dan kemudahan kalau bukan dari kebijakan pemerintahan? @BEM_ITS #GIM

#13 “Halah, meski aku milih, belum tentu yang aku pilih bener, bebas korupsi dan bisa mengelola pemerintahan daerah dengan baik” @BEM_ITS #GIM

#14 Memang, tidak ada jaminan, benar salah bukan masalah, namun kita tahu bahwa sistem seperti ini lah yang digunakan di Negara kita. @BEM_ITS #GIM

#15 Apabila kita tidak menggunakan hak pilih, apa tidak khawatir digunakan oleh oknum lain yang memiliki ambisi tidak baik tentunya, apa kita rela? @BEM_ITS #GIM

#16  “Nah, itu, kejadian jual beli suara, mau milih juga percuma, nanti yang menang ya yg punya modal banyak untuk beli suara” @BEM_ITS #GIM

#17 Justru itu, dengan ini kita harus memperkecil jumlah suara yang bisa dibeli dan dimanfaatkan oleh pihak tidak bertanggung jawab. @BEM_ITS #GIM

#18 Oleh karena itu, dimulai dari diri kita bahwa suara kita punya potensi untuk dibeli, lebih bijak bagi kita untuk menggunakannya. @BEM_ITS #GIM

#19  “Partai apa dong yang bakal aku pilih? Sebagian besar sudah punya riwayat korupsi, bahkan partai yang saat ini berkuasa pun begitu @BEM_ITS #GIM

#20  amati track record, oknum mungkin sudah mencoreng citra, namun coba dirunut lagi prestasi orang yg diusungnya, pasti ada. @BEM_ITS #GIM

#21 Kenali visi-misi organisasi, pengalaman dan prestasi di dunia politik.cari alasan bahwayg dipilih merupakan pilihan tepat. @BEM_ITS #GIM

#22 apabila tetap tidak menggugah hati, datanglah ke TPS, hadir dan jadilah bagian dari suara yang tidak bisa dibeli @BEM_ITS #GIM

#23 Pilihan bisa berupa memilih atau tidak memilih alias membuat kertas suara menjadi tidak sah. @BEM_ITS #GIM

#24 Walau tidak dianjurkan, tentu lebih baik daripada ada memberikan kesempatan terbelinya suara kita. @BEM_ITS #GIM

#25 Masih ada beberapa hari untuk memantapkan hati dengan pilihan calon legislatif yang diidamkan @BEM_ITS #GIM

#26 kenali dan amati rekam jejaknya, pastikan suara kita terpakai dengan pilihan yang bijak. @BEM_ITS #GIM

#27 Ayo ke TPS terdekat, tanggal 9 April 2014 dan berpartisipasi di pesta demokrasi lima tahunan ini. @BEM_ITS #GIM

#28 Kalau tidak memanfaatkan kesempatan ini dan membiarkan jatuh ke tangan yang salah, haruskah menunggu lima tahun lagi? @BEM_ITS #GIM

#29 Saya bukan pengamat politik yg mahir melihat perpolitikan, saya hanya peduli dan yakin bahwa Indonesia masih punya harapan @BEM_ITS #GIM

#30 Mulai dari diri sendiri, kita harus peduli dan optimis, selalu ada harapan bagi Indonesia. @BEM_ITS #GIM

#31 Kebaikan dari seorang individu akan kalah dengan kejahatan yang terorganisir, mari bersama kita menuju kebaikan. @BEM_ITS #GIM

#32 Yuk ke TPS 9 April 2014 untuk menyuarakan hak pilih kita dalam pemilihan calon legislatif daerah. @BEM_ITS #GIM

diretweet dan doakan dapet hard-disk yaaaa :))

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